I must say, today has proven to be interesting. I mean this not in a generic, cookie-cutter whatsoever. Everything from waking this morning with deep sexual frustration ( i.e., Physical Longings) to spending time reminiscing with a group of dear friends about our experiences in college ministry has placed me in a very awkward mood.

My conclusion is this: I'm dissatisfied with my present state. Here is why...

1.) On multiple occasions, I was tempted to violate my flesh due to sexual longings. I'm sure you get the picture.

What bothers me is that these desires to gratify the flesh have become progressively worse.

2.) I miss my old, passionate self.

I REFUSE to be one of those Christians that was 'once upon a time' passionate about the Savior. Upon reflecting on my early collegiate days, I realized how, very much, my passion & longing for God has died down, It seems that as my knowledge has increased, my zeal to pursue Him has dwindled. It definitely hurts.

3.) I am not too sure how I feel about her.

Long story (really) short, I want to honor God with every aspect of my life. There was a young lady whom I fancied & desired to pursue not very long ago. She is a Christ Follower & she does so beautifully. Its a joy just to hear about her love walk with the Father. Well, we pulled the plug on pursuit & tonight was the 1st night I saw & was able to interact with her in nearly a month. While I do feel that I am truly capable of being a good & godly brother to her, thoughts of pursuit linger & bring confusion.

At the end of the day, this bit of venting stands just to say that my life needs heavy reconstruction. As a pastor, as a leader & as a brother, I have an obligation to be transparent & to be strong. I pray that this is a means of surveying my current stage in life & building from here. Pray with me.

Grace,
Anthony